Lay Softly to Sleep
by butterfly collective
Summary: This is some time after "Glimmer of Twilight" as Matt and C.J. spend some time away coming to terms with the past.
1. Chapter 1

The cabin waited for them just as been promised to them by an old friend.

Matt drove the car up around the last bend and saw it straight ahead, perched near the edge of a bluff that overlooked the Gulf of Mexico. C.J. sat alongside him but she'd spent most of the drive staring at the window not saying very much.

They'd left the ranch house back just outside of Houston with neither of them talking much. The trip had been his idea and after he'd gone to his neighbor with his plan, she'd offered him the keys to her cabin. Since she'd been getting older, it hadn't seen much use given that her three kids had grown up and spread themselves thin over the continent.

So it had been the perfect place for the two of them to get away from their busy lives for a few days. After giving Matt the keys, Cattle Annie had told him it'd be just what they both needed after everything that had happened with them and little Gracie.

She'd be taking care of the toddler during the time her parents were gone. She didn't mind the quad of burly looking men who would be part of the package as long as they didn't scare any of the animals on her farm.

C.J. had hugged her daughter goodbye, holding her tightly…so not wanting to hand her over but knowing she had to do it. Gracie would be just fine with Annie, a woman who always been a crack shot herself and who'd broken up quite a few brawls in her time…just before patching up the wounded. At least that's what C.J. told herself over and over but damn, it was hard to say goodbye to her daughter even for a long weekend.

"We'd better hit the road before the traffic."

She'd looked back at her husband and nodded. So she handed Annie a couple bags of everything she thought Gracie might need and then some. If Annie thought the bags quite heavy she didn't say anything just that Gracie would be just fine.

So she and Matt had gotten in the car to make the trip which would last several hours and end at Annie's cabin. She got out of the car after Matt parked it and walked up the stone lined path to the edge of the bluff. The house had been shored up enough to protect it from sliding on down onto the beach and the view from the back deck…beautiful to the point of taking one's breath away. The sandy beach strung with larger rocks, the bluish water tinged green breaking on the shore and out in the distance, sail boats and further away the outline of an oil rig or two.

"Ready to go inside…?"

She turned to look at him and nodded. She could have stayed out longer and taken in that view for hours but she knew he wanted to get settled. He carried her bags for her and after they unlocked the front door, they walked inside the cabin.

It was small and cozy, decorated old-style as if it had been that way for years. Photographs in frames lined the walls including in the hallway to the master bedroom. There was a stone fireplace in the living room and a couple sofas which looked more recently upholstered and were covered with woven blankets. The floor was hardwood but decorated with colorful patterned rugs.

The bedroom looked similar, masculine in décor but with a dose of femininity too. Matt put her bags down and went to get his own. She looked at them and decided to unpack later. They'd hit the grocery store in the last town before their cabin and had enough food to keep them well fed this weekend.

God, she still felt so tired even though she'd slept the last several nights. Not as well as she wanted but she'd been without it for days previously. She wanted to take a nap but she knew that she and Matt had to think about dinner. He had bought some steaks to grill out back but maybe they could keep it simple the first night.

She wanted simple right now.

He walked back into the room with his bags and dropped them next to hers. She glanced at him. He looked tired too.

"Maybe I should call…"

Matt went over to fiddle with the curtains on the window which provided more of that gorgeous view.

"They're fine," he said, "I'm sure Gracie's having a great time. She loves being on Annie's ranch…"

That seemed apt, C.J. thought because she'd been born there during one of the fiercest storms to hit that area of the state in recent memory. Annie hadn't asked her why she suddenly showed up at her doorstep, bent over from the pain of labor. She'd brought her inside, got her as warm and dry as possible and then delivered her baby.

Matt had been there too. If it hadn't been for him…she didn't know if she could have made it. He'd been so calm, holding her tightly when she needed it. When he'd held their baby for the first time, she wanted to capture that moment and tuck it away in Gracie's baby book. Never had a father so loved his daughter she thought but that love had nearly broken him.

Some nightmares repeat themselves from one generation to the next one. The one she hoped they could cheat had happened anyway.

Just thinking of it now again made her want to pick up her daughter and hold onto her again. Her rational side chided her for thinking that way. She had to let her daughter grow up into a world they couldn't protect her from in order for her to see the good that existed alongside what was evil.

"I know she does," she said finally, "I'll call Annie later tonight after she's put Gracie to bed."

Matt looked at her and she knew what he was thinking. But he was only partly right; she didn't blame him for what had nearly happened to their daughter.

She blamed herself.

If she'd paid more close attention but she'd been so busy with her caseload including what Simon had wanted her to do. One lapse of attention had turned into another's opportunity, someone who'd been watching and waiting.

"I found some fishing tackle in the closet," Matt said, "I think I'll go try to catch us a mess of fish for dinner."

She nodded.

"I can make a salad with the fixings," she said, "and there's some chicken to bake if you come back empty handed."

He started to leave and then turned to look at her.

"You are going to be okay while I'm gone."

She smiled though it didn't come easily.

"Why shouldn't I be? I'll be fine…I'll put everything away in the kitchen then I might take a nap."

Matt didn't say anything because they both knew she needed one.

He took off and she went to do that, her mind racing with all the things she wanted to tell them but hadn't been able to get them out.

That's how things had been since they got Gracie back again.

* * *

Matt walked down the trail which wound around a glen of trees towards the river. He'd fish upstream of where it widened into a mouth that flowed out into the ocean. These parts had plenty of steelhead and other species of fish. Getting out of the cabin gave him time to think.

It'd been like eggshells in there with his wife. He'd talked about it with Annie and she told him in that firm but gentle way of hers that he had to be patient. Losing a child was a parent's worth nightmare and they'd come so close…the reality being that it could always happen again. Their lifestyles past and present had left them wide open to a horde of criminals out there with grudges against them, some of them very dangerous. The problem was determining which of their pasts had come back to haunt them.

When it first happened, his first thought had been Andre…or Stefan…or someone from the nightmare that had taken her from him when he hadn't been there to stop it. Andre had been killed back on Sapphire Island but he still had powerful men out there loyal to him not to mention a brother who could engineer it from inside his prison cell.

Marquis Duval, jr. still lived, rotting away in a federal prison in Florida but his father had died of a disease that had eaten away at his body. Stefan…not in a position to hurt them directly but again, a litany of men only too willing to carry out his will to get back at those who had knocked him down.

Matt and C.J. had their own army of people to help them go against either men's legacy and they'd known what to do before panic had a chance to find its spot inside them. Jonathan's division of the FBI had been the first phone call followed by the U.S. Marshals and ICE. But even though they'd been helped even by the bureaucrats, it hadn't been that simple as it turned out and they'd been wrong.

He reached a nice spot on the river, where it ran deeper, etched into the sandy banks which were lined with trees providing shade. He knew that the fish would seek out those spots during the heat of the day. So he sat down and prepped his pole to try his luck fishing. He didn't care much if he caught anything as they'd bought more than enough food but fishing was great for helping him think without feeling he had to work hard at it.

It helped him to get out of the cabin to get some perspective. Away from the woman he loved more than life but who right now…they weren't communicating very well. Before Gracie had gone missing, they had been getting ready to give her a sibling, add another child to their growing family. Their first daughter had been an accident, conceived while they'd been holed up inside Houston Enterprises during a hurricane named well, Gracie of course. She'd been the most welcome of unexpected gifts and since Matt had just proposed to C.J. and she'd just accepted…she'd been a seamless addition to their lives.

This baby would be planned and of course he'd been looking forward to the enjoyable act of conception and he knew how much she did. But after what happened, they had shoved that discussion aside until he had brought it back up the other night…something that hadn't gone over well.

Something tugged at his pole and he pulled back but whatever had done it hadn't swallowed the hook so he cast the line back into the river. His mind wove its way through a minefield traveling backward.

"_Hey if you don't tell me what's going on, how can I help you?"_

_He'd been sitting on their bed watching her move around the room putting the laundry away that she had done after they got back. She spun around to face him. _

"_Houston…why do you think there's always something wrong?"_

_He chose his words more carefully so she wouldn't decide to leave the room to clean the kitchen or something. _

"_I know there's something wrong now…and it's not just Gracie."_

_Their daughter lay in her crib right now, sound asleep. It hadn't taken her long to settle down once they got her home again. But they both knew that she might not sleep soundly. _

"_I can't be worried about whether my…our daughter is going to have nightmares over what happened? I'm so thankful that she's back safe again but we both know it's not over…it wasn't over when it happened to you when you're a little boy."_

_He didn't respond to that because no it hadn't been over just because the "Nightmare Man" had let him go. The woman in front of him knew that better than anyone aside from his own father. _

"_We'll get more security…"_

_She shook her head. _

"_We couldn't shield ourselves from our pasts and now they've come after our children and we can't stop it."_

C.J. had left the room not long after that leaving him there. He'd hired a couple more security men anyway and they'd faded into the background including back on their ranch. Bo and Lamar had taught them the ropes about how to fit in better by helping out with the chores. But they were both city slickers.

He'd woken the next morning with her lying in bed next to him, one of her arms holding onto him as she'd snuggled against his warmth. Her face relaxed in sleep and she moved closer to him when he stroked her hair.

A fish swam away from the hook that snagged it, bending his pole and he focused on reeling it in, giving an inch, taking a foot doing what his daddy had taught him to do until he landed the steelhead on the bank. He smiled to himself as he removed it from the hook as it wiggled and in a few minutes, he'd baited his hook up again. Fishing helped him look at things differently in other areas of his life and he knew he had to do that with his wife.

He didn't want to lose her.

* * *

C.J. had packed away the kitchen and then grabbed an iced tea to settle on the couch in the living room. She had stashed away her cell phone to avoid giving into temptation to call Annie to check on Gracie. Reception was pretty good up here, Annie had told her, but not always reliable. C.J. wouldn't need her phone, the doctor counseled; she'd be busy with her husband. C.J. had blushed slightly because she had told Annie that she and Matt were working on adding to their family.

_Annie nodded her approval. _

"_Gracie needs a sibling," she said, "It's hard being an only child."_

_C.J. knew how much given that when her parents had passed one after the other, she'd felt so isolated when she went to live with her uncle on a ranch next to Matt's. If she'd had a brother or sister to share that with…but her parents had only had her before their deaths. _

"_I know…I told Houston I'd stop taking the pill," she said, "I'm doing what he wants me to do."_

"_What do you want C.J.?"_

_She grew silent. _

"_I want Gracie to grow up in a world that's safe for her. I don't want her to keep paying for what her parents did."_

_Annie smiled widely. _

"_The two of you did more good than you know. You helped so many people including me."_

_C.J. knew that, the rational side of her reminded her of that constantly when the rest of her doubted whether it had been worth it. Sure, their investigative work had cost them. Both had been shot and nearly died from it, both had been kidnapped and had their lives threatened when they unmasked a killer. But when it had been them, they called it an occupational hazard. _

_Not so with Gracie…the moment she'd been caught in the undertow of their histories, all that had changed. At least for her, she didn't know about Matt. _

_For her at least, there was no going back. _

She had thought about that when she'd drifted off to sleep. How he seemed to have emerged from the episode surer of himself and what he wanted than she did. She envied him the ability to do that, to put it behind them and think ahead of the future…and more children. But to her, the larger their family became, the greater the danger.

When Gracie had been taken, she'd lost the ability to sleep. Because even when she wore herself out enough to slip away, to surrender to sleep was to dream and she couldn't face that. She'd had plenty of nightmares about herself and Matt but never about her children.

Andre had returned in her dreams too from the dead. He had taunted her about the babies she would never have as his slave. Her place in his world wasn't to have bastard children but to keep him happy until he sold her off to pay a debt to a competitor.

Her first pregnancy test she took had almost made a liar out of him. Not that it would have necessarily been his child, since there had been another man she hadn't know existed until later. Andre's lieutenant, Semour Piser another blast from her past had plenty to tell her about what lay ahead.

"_You don't remember him do you," Semour had said, "He made sure you wouldn't remember."_

_Her mind had still been foggy…from the drugs they'd given her she knew now. But it had seemed sometimes if she'd dreamed most of it. _

"_Remember what?"_

_Semour had chuckled, so much enjoying his revenge against her for busting up his fun and games house in the Arizona desert. He loved toying with her head even if he was forbidden from touching her body which belonged only to Andre. _

"_The man who wants to buy you…he was here last night brokering the deal."_

_She'd felt nauseous when Semour first walked in her room, even more so when she heard his words. Damn, she just couldn't remember everything that happened. Did she really want to remember? All she knew was that her wrists ached; they looked bruised to her and her mind flashed with images that made no sense. _

"_Andre wouldn't sell me to anyone."_

_Semour didn't miss a beat. _

"_He has no choice," he said, "He doesn't, this man will take everything from him including his prized whore."_

C.J. woke up suddenly in a sweat. The room had been warm but her clothes still were damp. The dream clung to her even as the intricate details of it started slipping away. Why was she dreaming about Semour or Andre for that matter?

Despite what she thought, they hadn't been responsible as it turned out. But then she remembered what she'd told Matt, about going off the pill so they could have another baby. She remembered too what she'd learned about the man who would have owned her if she hadn't run away and kept running until the day she fought back.

What he did to his women and their dreams. Gracie's birth and her life had been the best response to him. A slap on the face to what he had wanted for her mother. But it hadn't been him who had been involved either.

She heard the door open and Matt walked in with a bucket which she knew to be loaded with fish. He'd always been a great fisherman. All those times spent with his father when he wasn't too busy and later on her when he caught her fishing in his spot.

"Did you take a nap?"

She nodded and stretched her arms. He didn't need to know about her dreams.

"I got some fish for dinner."

"I see that," she said, "I'll go make the salad."

They both walked into the kitchen and while he cleaned and fried up the steelhead, she worked on the salad and a side dish of roasted potatoes. That would go nicely with the fish which Matt put on plates for both of them when finished.

"You feel any better?"

She looked at him without saying anything then she realized he wanted to know if she felt less exhausted.

"I slept well. Really I'm almost caught up."

Hardly, but she was getting there. After the fish was done sizzling on the stove, he scooped them up onto their plates next to the rest of the meal. They moved out onto the back deck that looked over the ocean, sitting on chairs set up near an old wooden table.

The tide was coming in, consuming more and more of the beach. It would hold it in its grasp before retreating again. For some reason she couldn't take her eyes off of it.

* * *

Matt was feeling amorous she could tell as he pulled her into his arms on the couch while they both watched the movie. Something light, a comedy with more than a slice of romance, a story she'd been trying to follow. He pulled her closer to him and embraced her, holding her against him.

She loved the way he touched her with a form of playful reverence, as if he knew that he had nearly missed out on the best that life offered even as it took away.

He turned her face towards his to kiss her mouth. She responded because she loved the way his lips felt, the way he tasted. The way he could turn her into putty in his hands without even trying…as he slid her arms around him as they tried to find a comfortable position on the cramped couch.

They kissed for a long moment, before remembering to breathe. His hands caressing her skin beneath her shirt, making her heart beat quickly. She rested her hands on his back as they kissed again, longer this time.

He broke for air still touching her, heating up her skin.

"C.J. maybe we'd better…"

She sighed against him.

"I like it here…"

She closed her eyes as his lips left her mouth and scorched a trail down to where they stroked her jaw line and then that sensitive area of her neck under her jaw.

Her mind returning to simpler times…

Matt loved kissing his wife, which went without saying. Anytime he had the chance to do that he didn't let it pass him by. Like right now when he had his arms wrapped around her while they were lying on the couch watching a movie neither could remember. He slid his hands underneath her shirt to stroke her soft, silky skin while kissing her.

She'd always been the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on going back to when she'd blossomed into a teenager replacing the little bean sprout of a girl he'd known since the sixth grade. Not that even then she'd been someone to mess with as she proved her first day of school when she took on the school bully and pinned him in nothing flat.

They'd grown up spending much of that time together and yet they led separate lives parallel to one another. Even as they became best friends who built a business empire together, they had never shared more than a handful of passionate kisses.

But there'd come a time in his life when it hit him suddenly what he'd wanted during his sabbatical from his own life. Not long after he'd been stung by a stingray, he'd had visions of what life could be like, a story unfolded before him that he'd never known. He saw himself walking down a flower strewn aisle to meet up with a woman in white waiting for him at the end and when he saw her face…it had shaken him to see his best friend there. He'd seen her with a young girl with curly dark hair and eyes just like his own.

The vision had been enough to change his life. He vowed to himself that as soon as he recovered, he'd go back home to reclaim his life including what he'd seen in his dreams.

But when he got back to L.A., C.J. hadn't been there and it had taken a while for him to learn that he'd been abducted by two men in the parking garage not far away from her car.

It would take him weeks to find her again and for the next several months, they lived like fugitives until they finally came home.

"Houston…"

That's when he realized he had stopped kissing her but still held her tightly in his arms.

"Houston I can't…"

His mind struggled to clear itself. Her body had tensed against his own and she didn't look at him.

"Not enough room here…"

She pulled away from him.

"No…I just can't…"

He positioned himself so he could look into her face using one of his fingers to tilt her chin upward. The emotions that swirled within her hazel eyes stopped him cold.

"What's going on here?"

She sighed not responding.

"What is it? You can tell me."

She relaxed then and he knew his words reached her. They both knew there wasn't anything they couldn't tell the other. It had been that way between them most of their lives but he read the conflict on her face.

"Just let me go…"

He didn't do that. He wanted to know what was going on here and if he let her get away…

"I can't…not until you tell me what's going on."

Her body grew more rigid against him, her voice more clipped.

"I have to call Annie. I have to know my little girl is all right."

Matt saw the concern on her face.

"Gracie's doing just fine," he said, "You know Annie would call us if there were any problems."

C.J. paused and then nodded.

"I know but I can't help it," she said, "I'd feel better if I called her."

She disentangled herself from him and headed to get her phone in the bedroom leaving him in her wake.

* * *

C.J. felt foolish for calling Annie who had still been up doing some proofing on her latest book even though she'd put Gracie down hours earlier.

"She's had a busy day," Annie said, "We fed some ducks by the lake and I took her to look at the new calves."

C.J. had smiled at that. She knew that Gracie loved spending time with Annie and probably didn't miss her parents much. Since she'd been back home, C.J. had watched her for signs that she knew to look for like nightmares and a need to be close or to cling to her parents but Gracie hadn't shown those signs of her experience so far.

"So how have you and Matt been enjoying your vacation?"

C.J. had sat on the bed thinking about her husband in the other room.

"Fine…I'm sorry if I got you up or disturbed you, I just wanted to check on her."

"She's doing just fine," Annie said, "but what about you?"

C.J. paused.

"I…I don't know Annie," she said, "I thought I was ready for this weekend."

"You needed the time away," Annie said, "You both did…the kidnapping got so much attention and you never had time to breathe let alone rest."

C.J. knew that Annie understood that part of it.

"I mean the part about having another child. That's what part of this trip was about, to get away and…"

"Let nature take its course," Annie said, "I can think of tougher assignments. So what's stopping you?"

C.J. hesitated again.

"I don't know…maybe it's not the right time for us. We just got our daughter back and maybe we need to focus on her instead."

Annie chuckled.

"Oh don't you worry about Gracie…she's resilient. I knew that when she first came into this world that she'd be able to handle anything."

"But she's just a little girl," C.J. said, "When Houston was kidnapped…"

Annie sighed.

"He was a little older and able to create memories that could last forever," she said, "He had a very rough time coming to terms with it but look at everything he's accomplished. Look what both of you have done to help so many people."

C.J. couldn't deny that she and Matt's investigative firm had made a difference in the lives of those who had no one else to turn to, when even the police or FBI couldn't help them. Not to mention the Houston Foundation including the monies put into the Women's Crises Center in Houston.

"You've come a long way yourself from a nightmare that broke so many women and you've made something positive too. How the two of you handle the challenges you face, Gracie will learn a lot from the both of you through example."

C.J. hoped so.

"As will any of her sisters or brothers who come along," Annie said, "and I'm expecting to be hearing some good news coming from the two of you soon."

"I don't know…"

"Oh yes you do C.J…you never struck me as anything less than very smart…but I'm not the one to talk to when your husband's waiting…"

C.J. knew she was right and after thanking her, she clicked off the phone. She looked up and saw Matt standing in the doorway.

"Okay if I come in," he said, "or you still want to be alone?"

She smiled at him. He showed respect for the boundaries she sometimes thrust up between the two of them when she needed time without taking them personally. And he had more patience than any man had a right to during those times when she needed to be alone. But she shook her head and he came in and sat on the bed next to her.

"Look if you don't want to have another child right now, we can wait," he said, "Just don't keep me out of whatever's going on with you okay?"

She nodded.

"I'm sorry Houston…I'm sorry for everything," she said, "It's just that whenever I think of having more children, I feel…I don't know how to put it into words. I just feel…"

"Scared?"

He found the perfect word, the one that had eluded her. All she could do was nod and in response, he sighed as if he'd been holding it deep inside him just like her.

"I'm scared too," he said, "I've run through every scenario in my head since she got taken…"

"Houston…it was my fault not yours," she said, "It might have been your past that came back but I should have been more careful…"

He put both of his hands on his arms looking straight at her. The guilt which washed over her face, didn't belong there. He didn't know what had put it there but it didn't matter. Life had intruded in what they'd built together with its ugliness but that was only part of what was out there waiting for them.

"C.J. you weren't responsible," he said, "Anyone who would kidnap a child…they're to blame. I saw how my kidnapping tore my father apart…put a rift between him and Uncle Roy…that I thought would never be mended."

She smiled. The two brothers had repaired the damage in their relationship not long before Bill had passed even though she and Matt only learned about it sometime after the fact.

"I don't want that to happen to us," he continued, "then I feel like the kidnappers win."

She looked down at her hands, mindful of the scars they bore from her past.

"I know but god, I just worry so much about her…where she is, what she's doing and how much a life can change when you let your attention lapse for just one instant."

He drew her closer to him and she let him do that and he felt her heart thudding in her chest against his own. He lay down on the bed bringing her down with him, always keeping her close.

"Life happens…bad things happen but we got her back…"

She nodded.

"I would never have stopped Houston…I would have done anything to get her back," she said, "and they took advantage of that too."

He knew the feeling. He didn't know how much one little person could wrap him around her finger so tightly but that bond formed as soon as he first laid eyes on his daughter being delivered by Annie. A squalling, reddened little bundle of energy and resolve that had been through so much to get there. His daddy warned him that fatherhood would change him forever, would force him out of his carefree playboy lifestyle or his incessant drive to the top of the corporate world.

His father hadn't been right about everything but about having a child…and that's when Matt realized how much his father had loved him. He saw that through the feelings that rushed through him when he first held his daughter after Annie had cleaned her up a bit. And through Gracie's eyes he saw his own family heritage.

Back to the two very different men who'd been his fathers. His mother who had died as a result of bringing him into the world…Uncle Roy who had returned into his life not to mention the cousin he thought he'd lost forever.

"She's the baby I thought I'd never have Houston…"

He closed his eyes remembering how she'd told him not long before Gracie's conception what she'd learned about the missing pieces of her life.

"He had all his whores sterilized you know," she said, "If I hadn't escaped…"

Matt knew what she didn't finish saying but she had gotten away from both men who had tried to enslave her. Then believing that she might be pregnant while holed up in some remote town in Colorado under another identity…all the time he'd been traveling around the world completely unaware of what happened.

"You did get away and those men are gone," he said, "and they can't hurt anyone again. They can't hurt our daughter."

She sighed against him knowing that but there were so many other dangers out in the world besides the two men who had come after her.

"I know…but I…all the time she was gone, I felt like I couldn't breathe…that if I stopped long enough…I'd lose her forever."

Matt felt that way himself and had learned more about himself than he wanted to know, how ruthless he could be to anyone who stood between him and his family. The darkness that had lived inside him since his own kidnapping had nearly consumed him.

"I know you felt that way too," she said, "but it's different when you carry a life inside of you for those months. I don't know if I can do that again…I want to more than anything but every time I think about it…I go back to those hours when we believed she might be lost forever."

He maneuvered himself so they lay side by side, their faces inches apart.

"C.J. I'll do whatever it takes to keep our children safe," he said, "We'll hire more security if we have to do it."

She sighed, shaking her head.

"That's no way to live. I don't want our children to live like that. Gracie doesn't understand that the men she sees everyday are there to protect her. But when she's older…she'll know."

He didn't know how to respond to that so he just held her tightly and felt her body relax as the exhaustion took hold of her. She hadn't slept in weeks really except a nap here and there. He had brought her out to the cabin, away from their lives so she could get plenty of rest and relaxation.

"She'll know…"

With those words, she fell asleep and that's when the dreams came…


	2. Chapter 2

C.J. hadn't been asleep that long when she started dreaming. Assorted images snatched from different times in her life, flashed in front of her as she tried to make sense of them.

Place them in some kind of order but she wasn't in control this time. Her dreams had always left her wondering where they came from and what they meant.

Sometimes they appeared to connect her with her past, the times when her parents appeared before her long after they had died.

Her father had saved her life through a dream. One time when she'd been very ill and Matt had tried to race her to a hospital in L.A. when the power grid fried leaving the city in darkness. She'd been slipping away from him, from the rest of the world wanting desperately to be with her father. She'd missed him desperately since he'd abruptly left her life years earlier.

But her daddy wasn't having any part of it.

_The fire licked the sides of the walls in the hallway and the wallpaper released trails of smoke before igniting. The voices of the men had receded and no longer followed her down the endless hallway. She saw the open doorway ahead out into what looked like intense sunlight. She saw the outline of a figure and thought she knew its name._

_"Daddy," she said, "I can't find my way out of here. Can you help me?"_

_He shook his head._

_"You can't come this way," he said, "You've got to trust him."_

_Her brows furrowed as sooty ash began to drizzle down like dirty rain. She shook her head._

_"No Daddy," she said, "I'm afraid to go that way. What if it leads me back to where I started?"_

_He still shook his head._

_"I love you daughter," he said, "and that means saying goodbye."_

And just like that, a rush of wind stronger than any that came naturally pushed her away from him back into the light.

Back to the hospital bed where Matt had been waiting for her…but he'd been with her in that dream, trying to help her escape from a burning building set to collapse all around them. Would they get out in time?

As it turned out, just as the past had saved her life, so would her future.

_"Come with me," Matt said, and she felt his hand slip in hers. It felt warm and comforting and she followed him down the hallway dodging panels of burning wood that fell around them._

_She felt the rush of cool air reach her._

_"We're almost there," she said, "I think it's just ahead."_

_Matt looked around._

_"Have you seen Gracie," he said, "Is she safe or do we need to find her?"_

_The answer to that question arose from her heart, in the language of quiet certainty._

_"If we get out of here, so shall she."_

That's when she knew that at some point in her life she would have a daughter of her own, with dark curly hair and in her eyes; she'd see the man who would be her father. But C.J. had pushed her out of her mind focusing on the here and now, in a life where she'd have to do as she delicately put it, kiss a lot of frogs to find her prince. She didn't know that the man who had kissed her teasingly in response that summer afternoon would be the one. Oh she'd always kind of hoped but never thought she'd see the day.

Life took its time at bringing them together and seemed intent on testing their resolve first to the max. But she never gave up trying to stay alive and he never gave up trying to find her.

During that time, she often dreamed of her daughter. It kept her alive.

_One dark morning years ago she'd woken up inside her gilded cage to see Elena looking down at her puzzled as C.J. struggled to get out of bed. She'd spent another restless night alone as Andre had left the compound on another business trip which meant he had no need for her. _

"_What time is it," she'd asked in a world where it was easy to lose track. _

_Elena just looked at her, her brows knit and her jet black hair braided behind her. _

"_About seven," she said, "Who's Gracie?"_

_C.J. just looked at her in silence then she found her voice. _

"_Why do you ask?"_

_Elena sorted out the silverware on her breakfast plate that she'd placed on the table. _

"_I heard you say her name," she said, "Is she your sister?"_

_C.J. didn't answer because she didn't know how to sum up so much in a few words and she didn't trust anyone. Elena quietly waited for an answer so she finally gave her one, something that couldn't be used against her. _

"_Something like that…"_

She thought of her daughter so much when she'd been held captive, when she was being used by Andre. She'd learned how to pull herself away from the violation of her body wouldn't touch her soul. If he noticed he didn't care and when he left, she'd curl herself in a ball and try to dream of a future that would outlive its present.

She told Matt when they'd decided that friendship wasn't enough for either of them about the first pregnancy test she'd taken. They'd been lying on the grass on a ranch in Colorado when she shared in halting words about what it'd been like during the days when she thought her rapist had left her with a more permanent reminder of his crimes. She'd been so sure that she wouldn't know how to go on if that had happened, when she'd dreamed of Gracie, she didn't see her dream realized through an act of violence. Somehow…it just didn't fit.

He'd listened to her and then she knew she did right by telling him. Not long after she told him, they'd become lovers and not long after that, she took another test, this one had been positive. He'd been so excited when she finally told him and the pregnancy had been one of the joyous periods of her life. It had been almost an act of defiance against those who had tried to break her and steal her dreams.

_He had walked in to the bedroom where C.J. lay, drenched with perspiration and her face filled with concentration as she breathed her way through the pain of labor, as her daughter struggled to move from the world she knew to the next one. At first, he felt at a loss of what to do but when their eyes met, he rushed over to her and took her in his arms, whispering words that came quickly to mind, words that made her relax as the doctor told them what would happen next. She closed her eyes for a few minutes then and rested her head against his chest while he held her. She had always proven to be the rock he needed during any storm that crossed their paths._

_"Come on sweetheart push," he encouraged her, "We're almost there."_

_"I don't know if I can," she gasped, "Her birth is proving to be much harder than her conception."_

_He smiled at that and stroked her back._

_"Just one more push and I'm going to be here right with you," he said. She knew he meant every word as she prepared to bring their daughter into the world, reaching past the pain, the fear that she had used up every bit of strength she had left. Only to find out that he had given her what she needed._

_And not long after that, their baby crowned and drew her first breath._

Gracie had been fearless since her birth, running instead of walking and she'd loved exploring her world inheriting that from her investigator parents. Both she and Matt had taken her to work with them, more environments for her to investigate herself.

Until the day she vanished in plain sight.

She and her husband were left in shock, left to figure out whose past had returned, the key to finding her before…neither had wanted to think of all the terrible things that could happen to her. Neither willing to give up, to take a deep breath and exhale until she was safely back in her mother's arms.

But even though Gracie had come back safely, C.J. hadn't been able to move forward to keep up with her daughter. She'd tried but somehow images of almost losing her flooded her mind intertwined with the times that her own captors had threatened to erase her dreams as they intended to do to her.

She thought about this while sitting on the steps of the worn paneled house that had appeared in other dreams. She heard the voice of the man who had once lived there.

"Why are you here," he said gently, "This isn't your home."

She couldn't see him but she knew the voice even though she hadn't heard it for most of her life.

"I thought I'd come back and visit."

"There's nothing for you here," he said, "Your future is elsewhere and it's still very much in motion."

She sighed.

"I…sometimes it feels like it's going so fast…and I don't know what to do," she said, "I can't control it…"

The man chuckled but not at her.

"That's the way it happens," he said, "at the end, it seems like the blink of an eye even though it's many years gone."

She fell silent and then she said softly.

"I couldn't protect her," she said, "I really tried and still I almost lost her forever."

She felt something warm on her shoulder, almost like an embrace even though she sat there alone. It felt as real as it had when she'd been a little girl and had scraped her knee, or fallen out of a tree.

"Gracie's safe now…but you have to believe that if you want her to grow up healthy and strong, and sure of herself."

"I know but it's hard…"

"That's my fault," he told her, "I didn't mean to leave you alone…it just wasn't meant for me to raise you any longer."

"But mom…"

She heard him sigh deeply.

"You had people who stepped in to do what we could not….good people."

She knew that now, it could have turned out worse for her.

"But you're afraid to lose those you live because you know it can happen in the blink of an eye but you can't let that stop you from living your life the best of all ways. To make the most of each moment that you get and with an eye on the future…"

She nodded slowly.

"And I believe you owe your mother and I more grandchildren so you and that fellow of yours better get going."

She bit back a smile.

"Look up daughter…"

She did that for him. Ahead of her she saw him for the first time, the little boy following in the footsteps of Gracie…reaching out for her hand and her daughter taking it. She'd never seen him before in her dreams at least not as clearly as she did now. Almost like she could touch him…after all it was just a dream.

Her father faded away, leaving behind a trace of what he'd been like a comforting blanket and the house drifted away too.

C.J. woke up with a start but not feeling as if fear had followed her into the real world. Matt moved next to her and he opened his eyes looking at her wrapped in a sheet.

"Another nightmare?"

She smiled reaching out to caress him with her finger.

"No a nice dream…I dreamed about the future."

"Oh?"

"Yeah and Houston…I'm so sorry I made life so tough on you…"

He sighed.

"You've got nothing to be sorry about," he said, "I could have been more understanding."

She stroked his hair looking at him.

"It's just that I was so scared with Gracie being kidnapped. It's one thing to imagine that our lives set us up for that but to actually have it happen."

Matt looked directly at her.

"You know I'm never going to let anything happen to Gracie and any other children who come along."

She knew he meant it but what they both wanted was to control what couldn't be…any one of their children could be taken.

"I know we've taken steps but we didn't stop it."

"We got her back," he said, "that's the most important thing. But C.J. we have to live our lives, we can't let what might happen keep us from doing that."

She nodded.

"I know that and I'm going to really try to live it," she said, "I just…Gracie means everything to me for so many different reasons…almost losing her and then that's just going to get harder with each child."

He understood what she meant. She knew he did and this time his hand reached to stroke tendrils of hair off her face.

"I know that…and it's going to be okay," he said, "We've both got family and friends to help us through the most difficult times and each child, that'll bring a lot of joy too. "

She nodded.

"But if you want to wait before we give Gracie a brother or sister," he said, "Then that's what we'll do."

She shook her head.

"I don't want to wait," she said, "besides I think he's getting impatient."

"He?"

But she didn't answer, except to kiss him softly on the lips the way she knew he liked. He looked at her after that. She ran her hands underneath the bed sheet to stroke his chest, toying with the whorls of hair as he slid his own hands on her hips to draw her closer.

Both of them more than ready to head forward in the next exciting chapter of their lives…in it she saw the little boy in her dreams. Matt just knew he was getting lucky with his woman that he loved so much.

The ghosts of their past still lingered but fell quieter at least for now as the future loomed brightly in front of them.


End file.
